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Referee and linesmen perform elaborate celebration as penalty is uncontested

Football fans were treated to an unexpected goalmouth celebration yesterday as a Premiership referee and his linesmen acted out a bizarre celebratory mime after the officials notched up an historic...

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Arsenal win race to be embarrassed in Europe

Arsenal pipped local rivals Spurs in their battle for fourth place on Sunday, leaving fans of the North London club celebrating the opportunity to be humiliated as soon as they play a half decent team...

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Kim Jong-un announced as new Spurs manager

There was surprise in north London today when Tottenham Hotspur Chairman Daniel Levy unveiled North Korea’s Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un as the Club’s new manager. ‘This is the start of a bright new...

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Boy George denied England captaincy because he was ‘no good at football’

In the next chapter of ‘I’m a fading celebrity with a book launch coming up’, Boy George has declared that he would have been a ‘shoo-in’ to captain the England football team into ‘at least two world...

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Tabloids schedule destruction of Gareth Bale for mid-March

Representatives of the UK tabloid press, meeting at a top secret destination code-named ‘The King’s Arms’ in Central London, have provisionally agreed the division of rights over the next three stages...

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Adele to release album about being betrayed by Tottenham

Following the outstanding success of her third album, ‘25’, and the end of the football season, Adele’s record label have announced that she is to issue a fourth album next month comprising songs...

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Nuclear holocaust curtailing football season ‘would be Spursiest thing ever’

Fans of Tottenham Hotspur have expressed mixed feelings about the end of the football season, despite being only four points behind the leaders Chelsea and better placed for a title win at this point...

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Outcry at Arsenal plans to stage dog fights during half-time interval

There was widespread condemnation for the owner of Arsenal football club last night following his announcement to the press that, from next season, the club will be staging illegal dog fighting during...

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Sports photographer manages to capture Dele Alli standing upright

Veteran sports photographer Jimmy Graham may have made his fortune this weekend by taking a picture of Tottenham Hotspur midfielder Dele Alli standing upright on his feet during a match. He put this...

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The Premier League is back! How have the teams been spending their lockdowns?

With the English Premier League returning to our screens on June 17th, let’s catch up how our teams have been spending the lockdown. Arsenal – The Arsenal squad haven’t been sitting on their hands...

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